Sometimes my brain does not work very well

It can be difficult to think. The will is there but the mind is heavy, distant.

  

'Brain fog' is a symptom commonly experienced by people with a chronic illness, and it can mean many things: difficulty thinking clearly, poor concentration, cognitive  fatigue, the sense of fighting through a haze. It is a disturbing and dissociative experience. Since my diagnosis with multiple sclerosis (MS), it is an experience I have too often – and what to do with this? 

 

This blog was originally conceived of as personal project to help me find my way on the bad days – a challenge: when it feels like I can do nothing, do something. 

 

But this site is also an experiment: an exploration of the self and the mind, of neuroscience and research and illness, of change and loss and healing, and of the connections and connections that weave it all together. 

 

"Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the healthy. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at le...

May I ever be in as good spirits as a willow! How tenacious of life! How withy! How soon it gets over its hurts!

-        Thoreau, Journal 2/14/56

Last week I turned 26, and I am trying to gather up the wisdom I've accumulated in my old age.

...

Hey!

Hello :)

How are you?

How am I?

I am O.K.

Not great. 

Well.

I am not sure how I am.

I'm sorry.

This is a hard question for me. 

For the last six weeks I have not had normal sensations in my legs, my feet, my fingertips.

I wish I could show you the way they feel, the vibratio...

I am electric. I am attune to every jolt of energy passing quickly along the length of my hand, jumping between my fingertips. I vibrate with sensation. I can not explain it more than that.

You want to know how it feels? Like pin pricks, sharp and thin, quicker than lig...

Almost one year ago, I moved from Boston to Tel Aviv. I arrived in Tel Aviv without a job, apartment, or much of a plan. I found a temporary apartment, and then a lasting one. I applied to graduate school, was accepted and finished one semester. I taught GMAT math, whi...

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